Thomas speaks
Thom, 3-20-99
(the night after Spring Fling)
Last night was great. I went to Courtney's house at about 6:00 pm. We practiced lifts a little and got the Straddle down really good. The dance was fun even though they only played 2 swing songs. We had fun and learned a lot of lifts from Dathan. Just being with her made it a great evening.
The dance ended at 11:00 pm (30 min. before I expected), so we drove to my house and pulled off at the Michaelangelo sign where we sat and talked and kissed. The talking was fun, as was the kissing - the cool part was just sitting close to each other keeping warm. We got to my house and I gave her my list and other blatherings. Neither of us could bear to leave the other (I don't know, but I think she would agree) so instead we turned on the lamp in the living room and curled up together on the round chair and held each other. I love holding her; she is so soft and warm and just the right size. She kept saying "it's a good fit," and she's right. I want to spend eternity in her arms. I don't know if she feels the same or if she just humors me. We spent over 9 hours together last night, yet it felt like a fraction of that. If I want to spend 10 minutes talking to her, I have to set aside an hour. We talked about so many things...
God, heaven, love, eternity, and us. I finally got up the guts to admit (to her and to myself) that I love her. I love her. I told her everything I felt about her. I spilled it all. It felt so incredibly good to just totally honestly tell her my thoughts just straight from my heart. The words didn't go from my heart, through my brain and out my mouth, but straight from heart to heart. Her feelings are so powerful, that she doesn't even speak, and I can hear her affirm my mumblings. Maybe I'm loopy, but then again it isn't my brain that thinks all this up; it's deep, deep down in my soul. And if God is in my soul how can anything but truth come out? My mind tries to influence my soul and confuses me as to where my feelings come from. My mind pretends it is the voice of my soul, and Satan pretends he is the voice of God. But neither of them can trick me all the time. This time I know that Court and I connected via our souls. Everything I was feeling came from the deepest part of my soul where only God resides. The Bible says that God is Truth,Love, and Perfection. Therefore (even if I make mistakes in my reasoning now) I know in my heart that everything I felt at that moment was (being of and from God) pure Truth and True Love. God gave me a glimpse, like a picture on a postcard, of what it is to love like God loves us.
(Later)
I got my license today. The tester was a big fat man (he looked Hindu) with a strange accent.
3-21-99
It was the most beautiful sound ever to grace my ears.. "Love." She said it with such eloquence. It was so meaningful and beautiful that it startled me. Not like what you would think, when something seems so unattainable... "Love."
(Later)
Happy day, happy day! Good sermon from Mike on young ministers. Courtney and I went to the boat and talked to dad about relationship stuff (momentum.)
Everyone was acting normal so I tried to look nonchalant.
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